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We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she has been constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her friends disappeared then, as they were drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her. She made more effort toward our bond, likely realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, many close to her have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play between us is as the audience. I start subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. I try to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She has been organizing a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in for a while. I tried to share advice, however, my input not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I recently returned from 30 days there she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she will ever understand the impact of how she acts on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, but it is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining how things go during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. The second is to express the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument about this. Your feelings are valid, after all. Finally is to ask ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Consider she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly impactful for promoting understanding.

Closing Considerations

She could ignore all you say, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route with these people, just dead ends. However, she might start out this way and then think on your words. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you peace from having been honest with her.